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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Random Question : When is Fiction better than Fact? Answer : When THIS is your “Fact”!

 

FICTION...
It’s a Dark and Stormy night, been raining off and on all day. You have been stuck inside the house with your Two Children, your Two Dogs and the Two Dogs your petting sitting for because you are a Super Women. In walks your husband from a hard days work and Kisses your Forehead as you get ready to prepare dinner. Now there is ONE spot in this house of kayos that is “THE MANS” Spot. I, call it….The Trash Can! Now, All at the same time, dinners starting to boil over your hair is a sweaty mess. The glass of milk you put on the table for your son is now a mess on the floor. Your daughter is clinging tight to your leg as she begs you to play with her. You need more counter space and have to dump the “scraps” that have accumulated during dinner prep and you reach over to throw it in the Trash Can aaaand….oh NO, Its Full!! BUT have not fear, for like magic BEFORE you can say anything, In comes your MAAAN!! Wearing his Tight White Fruit of the Loom T-Shirt, his One size to small pair of Dark Wash Wrangler Jeans! Like your Knight in Shinning Armor, he Storms towards the Trash Can because he knows its HIS!! He Throws off the top, and with one hand he Bare Fists the Bag up out of the can over his head….why?…..Because he is the MAN, and this is HIS SPOT!!! Now, with a blink of your eye he is outside braving the elements and doesn’t stop at the porch, NO…he goes All the Way to the Outside Trash Can and places it inside so you never have to see it again! He comes back in the house dripping wet! His nice clean white shirt is now, translucent and his chest muscles seem to glisten under it. He looks at you with your pitiful plate of scraps and says, “I GOT THIS HONEY!!” With his left hand he takes the plate from you freeing you, so you can continue with your Dinner Master Piece and with his right hand he puts a New Bag in for you!! Dumps the trash and puts the top back on! The dish goes in the sink and he plants one on you, grabbing your ass just slightly! ALL because He is the MAN and that is HIS SPOT!!!!

FACT…4pm Last Night : Honey can you empty the trash please because its “starting” to get full. “Sure, I Got It” ..Okay Thanks! 5pm : You start dinner with the kids running crazy the dogs barking and your Husband sitting on the couch with the remote. AKA “HIS REAL SPOT”! 5:30pm, Kids why didn’t you throw your snack trash away, I have to set the table? “Because it won’t fit!” Honey the trash is full now and you can’t push down the top to put anymore in it. “I Got It!” ..Okay! You continue to cook dinner, play with the kids and feed the dogs. You have to now, take the top off the Trash Can to put the dinner prep scraps in the trash can but, with a deep breath you push forward. Dinner is ready, your husband gets up from “His Spot” to join the family. With dinner done the kids run off to their rooms to play, your husband thanks you for dinner with a kiss and….you guessed it, goes back to “His Spot”! You start to clear the table and do the dishes. If your like me you now have one plate that has ALL the table scraps and left over food that wont make enough for a good lunch the next day and are ready to throw it away. AGAIN, YOU have to take off the top to be able to throw anything away. Honey, can you PLEASE empty the trash can I can not put anything else in it?!? “yes I Said, I Got It! I’m getting up in a minute to get a Coke and will empty it then”….Okay, please don’t make me ask again! “Honey, I Got It”! Okay……Now its 7am the next day your husbands off to work and you are preparing breakfast for the kids and feeding the dogs. Once breakfast is done for all, you go to empty the left over cereal in the trash can and before you know it you have a Milk Soaked Soggy mess dripping down the front of the Trash Can and all over the Top, WHY…Because your “MAN” did NOT, in his words, “Get It“!! So you, a real Super Mom (not just Women) takes over the one thing left in this house that allows your Husband to Keep His Man Hood , AKA His Balls, and get ready to tackle The Trash Can. Fighting through the dogs who, in their own way are just trying to help you “Lick Up” the mess you clean up floor. With Two Hands you barley get the NOW Over Stuffed Trash Bag out of the can, out the door and off the porch. As you walk outside, if this is AYTHING like your “fact”, Think to yourself of the Magical Man in my Dreams with his Tight White Shirt and Wrangler Jeans Waiting for you at the Outside Cans ready to help you put this Trash Bag in its final resting spot!
LM

2 comments:

  1. that was AWESOME!!!
    -Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  2. I laughed so hard I cried!!!
    -Kim

    ReplyDelete